Sukkot in the Holy Land

Now please explain to me if you have ever seen anything like this in your life:

No, these are not photoshopped. These are actually 2 massive Etrogim that people carry around for 7 days. You may ask, "isn't it annoying to carry around these massive Etrogim?" Well, not if you compare it to this:

No, these are not photoshopped. These are actually 2 separate pictures of men at Maarat Hamachpela in the beautiful city of Hebron carrying Lulavim almost 20 feet long. Again, you may ask, "isn't it annoying to carry around these massive Lulaviim?" Well, not if you compare it to this:




Just kidding. I have else to compare it to because there is nothing like it, and there is nothing like Sukkot in Israel. Simply put, yes it is annoying to carry around these massive 4 species for 7 days, but things like this are done in Israel. There are all sorts of interesting and often entertaining things that happen here, and I'm happy to be a part of it.

How are all of you beautiful people? It has been over 2 weeks since my last blog and I apologize for my lack of blogging, but don't worry, I'll make it up with this:

Nothing is quite as special as sitting in your apartment with the window open, Jerusalem wind blowing at my hair (what's left of it anyways)- and, all of sudden, being interrupted by a bird (a BIRD) flying around your living room. Don't worry though, he left a #2 (as they say in Israel, kaaaki) on the ledge and took quite some time to leave. I consider this as an atonement for not writing my blog for 2 weeks.

But, I do have a pretty good reason for not writing these past 2 weeks- I had three members of my family move into my apartment for Sukkot.

We had a great time! We ate, sat in the Sukka and ate, went to Tel Aviv and ate, and then they left :)

Aside from all the eating, we had a really great time. Here are some of the highlights.

1) I played giant Pacman on the side of a building:

 2) We hosted some great Sukkot parties including a Hebrew Academy of Montreal Simchat Beit Hashoeva:

3) Went on some great trips with some good friends:

4) And participated in this amazing Christian march:

But it is back to work now. The family has gone home, our Sukkah has been put away, all of the aravot were thrown on top of the aronot, and my students are back to drawing pictures of me in class (I was not able to post this picture but don't worry- this time they added all of my newly-developed Israeli sweat-induced pimples).

All in all, I have learned a number of really important things though these past couple of weeks. 

Here is one significant lesson that we should all keep with us. Many times when you are outside and really tired and there is no place to sit, just do like Israelis do and:

Sit outside of a window 25 feet high. This is why us Israelis are so successful. We think outside the box. 

While I am showing you pictures of the 100 brilliant things to do outside of a window, take a look at this:

Take a closer look:

There is so much to be thankful for in my life. An amazing family, unlimited amounts of food, great trips, and much more. But if there is one thing I have to be truly thankful for it is this:

My precious bike lock. What better way to wake up in the morning then to see my bike lock half broken and sawed through. Don't worry my bike (which is actually not mine, by the way- I borrowed it from a friend) is still intact, but I have not been able to use it as I now have a broken lock on my bike which I cannot take off. Thank you, bike lock.

I hope you have enjoyed this post and get ready for next week, because I have a great story to tell you called:

"The Massive Moishy Milchik Challah".

Shavua Tov,

Zack


p.s. If anybody is looking to buy one of these, check out Secret Jerusalem on Facebook. This is what we are seriously concerned about here:

125 Shekel!!!

125 Shekels converted into Canadian dollars is around $40.00.  Why you ask, is this fact so significant that I needed to start my post with it? 

This is why:

This 24 pack of water- yes, water- cost 125 shekels. That is $40.00!!!!!! 

Since I have been married, Ali has made 24 packs of water a staple in our house. It has been a goal of mine to find 24 packs of water that do not cost more than $3.50 (I know, I have a sad life).  I have gone strong for over 4 years, and 1 month in Israel, well…let's just say it's time for a new goal.

On to better and more exciting things in Israel.

This is what I saw in the park right next door to my building: 

Here is a better look for those of you who don't have 20/20 vision:

It's cute right? I may have thought so if I did not take a big gulp from that water fountain the day before.  

I showed you a giant dog drinking from a public water fountain for humans, why not then show you this very practical item that was being sold in the Shuk (Jerusalem Market):

Don't lie, this will give you nightmares.

I guess while I'm on the theme of animals... take a look into this Fuze Tea box (aka Israeli Nestea). Take a guess what the white little things are inside:

You are wrong (or I hope you are wrong)... they are live chickens. Why are there tiny chickens in a box you may be asking yourself? Well the answer is very simple, for Shlugen Kaporos (Kaparot for you Zionists). Now I challenge anyone to tell me that there is something holier than keeping multiple chickens in a tiny box just to be picked up by the neck and waved around in circles over some sinner's head and then having its neck sliced in half, all to atone for their sins? I think not!

ALRIGHT!!!! I know this blog is called The Aliya Teacher, and I want to talk about teaching in Israel, but there are so many good things going on here that I could not let them go to waste.

So, what it is like to be a teacher in an Israeli school?

The truth is, it is quite enlightening. Who knew that there could be so many ways to use the word 'Shut-up'? This was the conversation going on in class while I was trying to get them to read a story about London. Why London? Because that's where English comes from!

It involves 4 students and myself:

Student #1-"The Teacher the Teacher"

Me-"Please hold on one second" (To myself) "Why is he calling me The Teacher?"

Student #2 to Student #3-"Shut up your mouth"

Student #3-Student #2-"Shut up face"

Student #1-"The Teacher the Teacher"

Me-"Yes. How can I help you" (To myself) "Stop calling me The Teacher!"

Student #1-"Toilet can I use"

Me-"Can you please wait, there is only 5 minutes left to class"

Student #1-"Toilet I need Toilet"

Me-"Ok. Come back quickly"

Student #4-"Shut Shut Shut Shut up MOUTH!!!!"

Me-"Chag Sameach everyone"

What truly amazes me is which words these kids know vs the ones they don't. But I realized that this is the basic rule for Israeli students: Israeli students will not know a practical word that could be used properly in a sentence, but if it is a word that can be used inappropriately, they know it.

Now, there are more stories, but I guess I will end with this beautiful picture that a student drew for me in class (by for me, I mean of me and then passed on to his friends)

Just to analyze the picture.

The big, fat, scary, and tiny headed man is none other then moi. As much as it makes me happy to have my talmidim depict me in a beautiful way, what makes me even more jubilant (yes I used that word) is what is written on top of the picture of Moreh Zack or "The Teacher". If you look carefully, this student was able to spell the numbers twenty and forty correctly, chalk one up for 'The Teacher'…oh wait…he forgot thirty :(

Lastly, the kid didn't even have the decency to spell teacher in Hebrew correctly! I am such a bad English teacher that it is impacting their Hebrew!

To end a little more seriously, it is amazing what goes on in the minds of these kids. I spent recess talking with many of them, and at such a young age they already know what unit they want to be in when they become of age for the army. I was amazed by their dedication towards such a serious matter at such a young age. And it is not that these kids are so different from other kids around the world. They love to play sports, watch tv, play video games, etc… but from my short time here, I feel as if there is this added aspect to Israeli children, and it is not just the army. What I observed amongst the Israeli students is their strong sense of responsibility. They may say inappropriate things in class and draw pictures of me which make me question why ever joined weight watchers in the first place but, I do respect them for the responsibility that they believe they have towards their nation and land.

Chag Sameach!

זקארי איסקוב

p.s. This is considered to be the most important Facebook group in Jerusalem. Look at the important things that we need to think about in this amazing country:

The Aliya Teacher

A great job, great friends, great community, great family, and I left it all!

After 4 years of marriage, my wife (Ali-pic below) and I decided to make the most ridiculous and insane decision to leave our comfortable and happy lives in Montreal, Canada:

 to the Holy Land, aka The Aretz.

We landed at Ben Gurion Airport greeted by almost 50 people, who specifically came to greet us, with dancing, singing, hugging and wishing us a mazal tov on this significant move. After 30 minutes of partying we had to rush to catch the last free cab to Jerusalem to start our new lives in this special country. 

Let me summarize our feelings when we arrived in Jerusalem to you with this picture:

Now this girl may be the most beautiful thing on earth, but does this look like the face that represents the immense joy of being in the land which our people have been praying about for the past 3000 years?

Now we were fortunate that Ali's parents were in Israel for a wedding when we arrived. You think that would make the transition into Israel a little easier. And although we got to take a nap in a nice hotel, went out to some good restaurants, and spent a great last shabbat with them in Efrat, it ultimately resulted in this...

Which then brings us back to this...

Now I am not going to get into the details of the hardships of this aliya and living in Israel, because that is really not the purpose of this blog. But hopefully if I keep up writing then you will get to hear some amazingly funny stories about the aliya process that I hope to be able to look back on at laugh at rather than cry :)

The Aliya process though wasn't all that terrible. We at least had the wine festival in Jerusalem:

And have seen some pretty awesome and very practical innovations like this:

And was able to hang out with one of my best friends:

And experienced my first meaningful and engaging slichot (yes it is possible):

But all in all, this blog has nothing to do about my good times or bad times in Israel, I just thought this would be a fun way to begin.

This blog (at least for now) is going to be strictly a description of what it is like teaching in an Israeli school and in general what it is like to be a Jewish educator in the Holy Land. Why would you want to read this? Why do you care about the Israeli school system? The answer is simple: It is going to be hilarious.

I was very fortunate to have found a job teaching in an Israeli school. It is not full time, but it puts me through the door of Israeli schools to see what they are like and where I can be of use. And without being to egotistical...I really can be of use everywhere. Not for my teaching capabilities or ability to manage a class, but specifically so that little Israeli children can make themselves feel better by putting me down by making fun of my hebrew. I am what people would deem the perverbial punching bag of Israeli education (aka Friar). And being that this is the situation currently, there are many funny stories to be told.

All jokes aside, Israel is an amazing place to visit.. I mean to live, and I can't wait to see what this year in Israel brings Ali and myself. I feel very blessed to live in Jerusalem, and hopefully I can keep you all posted about life in the Holy Land.

Shana Tova and Gmar Chatima Tova,

זקארי איסקוב

p.s. At least nobody is making fun of my last name anymore